When Teresa and the girls leave their suburban New Jersey salon for a weekend of sun and sin down the shore, they are blindsided by a bizarre twist of events that catapult them from the sands of Seaside Heights to a secluded house deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Frightened by stories of the legendary Jersey Devil, the local population of Pineys and a giant dim-witted neighbor, the girls eagerly return to Seaside Heights where they hook-up with five fist-pumping delinquents who incessantly disrespect all with their reprehensible behavior. As day turns to night, the group converges at a Seaside bar where they are soon ejected for inciting a dance-floor brawl. With nowhere else to go, the group retreats to the house in the Pine Barrens for a night of carnal delights. Blinded by their selfish pursuits, the group remains unaware that their long outstanding debt to humanity is about to be settled - with their lives. One by one, the body count soars as retribution is exacted at the hands of a mentally-deranged killer with much more than just an axe to grind.

The story flows about as well as one could expect from a movie like this. Being produced by Jwoww herself, I shouldn't have expected much from this film. But, I am a glutton for punishment when it comes to horror films, and I guess this film doesn't disappoint in that aspect. The story chugs on, like a train without steam, and you are just waiting for the film to reach it's inevitable ending, not caring how you get there. Just that you get there fast.

The acting in the film is beyond horrendous. I haven't wanted to stab knives in my ears for quite some time, but this film just happened to bring that out in me. I mean, I understand that this is a total mockery of the “Jersey Shore” stereotype, but it's is done so much over the top that it makes Jwoww even that much more stupid for even having her name attached to this film.

These characters are just so bland, and one-dimensional, that you don't care what happens to any one of them, not even the “survivor girl”. That's the girl that is your heroine, and defeats all the bad in horror movies, if you didn't know. But Teresa is so buried in the background by all the other abhorrent performances, that you wish for her to die, just because she herself is friends with these idiots.

It being a horror movie, and of course, a “massacre” flick(sorority house massacre, slumber party massacre, etc), the only redeeming factor this film has going for it, is the TNA. And that is a slap in the face to TNA films out there. I say that, because even the tits in this movie were fuckin' terrifying. LAY OFF THE PLASTIC SURGERY BIMBOS, PLEASE.

The production value of this film is practically nonexistent. They shot mostly at a pretty nice looking house, and some clubs for the most part. But nothing extravagant that leads itself to a remarkable feat in my book. Throwing this movie into the stereotypical “wooden” area, when it is called “Jersey Shore” massacre, is a fuckin' joke. I guarantee they only have it titled that way because Jwoww threw a dollar into the movie.

The movie, aside from the shitty story, and F-Rated acting, comes together nicely. There, I said something nice about the movie. And the only other thing that is remotely good about this “Massacre” film, is the gore factor. That is where all the money went on this project. To making sure the blood, guts, and gore was above par. Sure, We've seen it all before, and it really is old hack to horror fans. But it is what I want to see, and other expect to see when they go into a film of this nature.

Overall, I cannot recommend this film one bit. It is a complete waste of everyones time, and I believe you will actually get dumber having watch it. But, if you are a glutton for punishment like myself, and you just need to turn this “should be abortion” on, do yourself a favor, and start watching it from about the hour mark. That is where the tits and gore start to happen. Beyond that, don't waste you time. Watch Sorority House Massacre, it is much more appealing.

Till Next Time Kiddies...

RJ