Annabelle, a creepy ass, possessed “demon” doll that we all saw in last years highly popular film, The Conjuring, has managed to grab herself her own spin-off. Who could have seen that one coming? Since this is a doll that is famous for being a part the the Warren's occult museum (the Warrens are not a part of this movie), it was only logical that this movie would come out eventually. But is the anticipation of this movies release, all that it was cracked up to be? That is a very good question. Here's the plot...

John Form has found the perfect gift for his expectant wife, Mia - a beautiful, rare vintage doll in a pure white wedding dress. But Mia's delight with Annabelle doesn't last long. On one horrific night, their home is invaded by members of a satanic cult, who violently attack the couple. Spilled blood and terror are not all they leave behind. The cultists have conjured an entity so malevolent that nothing they did will compare to the sinister conduit to the damned that is now... Annabelle.

Like many horror movies in the past, they love to play on the depictions of the pregnant wife (Rosemary's Baby anyone). I guess they like to see woman at moments of pure happiness...going through the most horrendous shit they can think up. And to make the mothers believe that their newborn is now the target for some unholy being...that is amazing. So, I am not complaining. And I think that all this shit comes from the link that is between a mother and child...and to be able to toy with the idea a severing that link, is something that is very unsettling. Or maybe people just aren't that fucking creative, and reuse old movie premises to grab the audiences attention. We are, after all, who the filmmakers are really trying to impress.

So like I said...this is all a very familiar movie concept, and a very familiar movie. The problem with having a very “familiar” movie...is that is becomes too goddamn predictable. After the big Manson family cult attack at the beginning of the film, and the house practically burns down when the popcorn is left on the stove....side not on this...you the fuck can't smell popcorn burn...it is a very distinct smell. This bitch should not be breeding if she doesn't the the normal, human instinct of smelling fire...anywho...after all that bullshit, her and her husband decide to change residences, and move into an apartment. And this as they say, is where the fit really hits the shan. The audience is meant to believe that a demon doll has her eyes set on Mia's daughter...but from very early on. I feared that was not the case.

The film does start off with a glimpse of hope in it. The director having worked on The Conjuring, as well as the Insidious films...we all know that he knows the genre, and knows how to do it right. So why did he fail so bad in this attempt? That is a question I cannot answer. He tries to mimic the way James Wan would use eye sight, and what the audience sees, and what they don't...but he fails at every turn. The most effective shot in this movie, is that of the murder of the parents in the early moments of this film. The audience sees it all through a bedroom window. That is genius. That is how this whole movie should have been. Maybe I would have enjoyed it more.

But that, is sadly where this film leaves it's ingenuity. So much of this movie you are just waiting for shit to happen. Like in my review for The Conjuring, I mention how James Wan knows how to scare the audience when they aren't expecting it, and not to when they are...this movie however...NOTHING FUCKIN' HAPPENS. Give the audience something. After the opening murder and fire...literally I left like I was bored to death. Nothing was going to pull this film out of the gutter for me. Not even a killer doll movie. But wait...no, this isn't even a killer doll movie. THE DOLL NEVER MOVES. Sure it levitates a bit...but only because a demon is holding it. That was a kick in the teeth to viewers. The producers all knew what viewers where going in to see, and they fed us that shit on a platter with the marketing setup...but just as the audience realizes what is going on...the producers reveal, that yes, it is indeed shit that they have been serving you. So please feel free to continue chomping, because they already have your money...so their job is now done.

This movie fails at everything. There is no originality to this movie one bit. With all the nods to Rosemary's Baby in this movie...including the main character being called Mia...I would have liked to see something like that. But the movie just kept giving us rope so we would go farther out...and they would pull it back, like the sadistic pricks that they are.

I did not enjoy this movie at all. I do not feel I can recommend this movie to anyone. Maybe my enemies, but that is it. I think they need to put a little more thought into these films before they release them. With the fact that I was extremely looking forward to this movie...it really gives me cause for alarm with the thought of The Conjuring 2. I have zero hopes that the film is going to be any good. Maybe I will be wrong, I hope I am...but with this piece of shit out there for all eternity...I doubt it very highly. If you want to see a movie about a killer female doll...go watch Dolly Dearest. Sure, the film is garbage...but at least it is what it says it is.

Till Next Time Kiddies...

-RJ